Monday, September 15, 2003

Today is the one year anniversary of the loss of my beloved Biz.

I admit I've struggled over the past month - especially with horrible visions of her last minutes as the Vet came to my house to put her to sleep.

Biz was extremely afraid of strangers up to the very end and struggled to get away from the Vet as she tried to squirt some stuff in Biz's mouth to start to calm her down so that she could start administering the euthanasia solution.

The pictures from Biz's last minutes on Earth will be etched in my mind forever. I could literally haunt myself with those pictures for the rest of my life, bringing up pain that flows instantly out as tears.

But what good does that do me? What good does it do Biz? She is gone! Safely out of pain! Not suffering! So why torture myself with those horrid images?

Then, I make a conscious choice to remember that I made the best decision I could for Biz, to release her from her suffering, and that I have soooooo many GOOD memories with her and then I choose to not let those negative images flood my mind. Sometimes I have to sing a hymn or read a book or something like that to refocus my mind. Even looking at a photograph of Biz helps.

So, my beloved Biz, I do miss you, but I am so thankful for the times we shared and that you are not suffering from cancer any more.

Rest in peace, my beloved. "You're my kitty!"