Tuesday, July 23, 2002

Biz is still doing OK, but her tumor is definitely not shrinking as possibly expected by using the piroxicam. It definitely continues to grow, and I don't know whether it's growing at a slower rate since starting the piroxicam or not.

I'm at a point of wondering if it's worth giving her the piroxicam at all. It only costs $1/day for her 1.6mg salmon-flavored medicine treats, but at this point, I don't see a benefit. But I guess it's not harming her and it's a pain killer, so if she is in pain, it should be helping her. So, I might as well continue them.

Now, thoughts are returning to my mind (since the tumor is not shrinking) about how Biz will die. Will the tumor just continue getting larger and larger until the whole left side of her face is one big tumor? And her eye would be squeezed shut by it? Or will it metastasize to the rest of her body and specifically her lungs so that she can't breathe anymore? The Vet said it would get to the point where she can't eat or drink.

It's hard for me to watch her slowly die. Again, right now, she seems to be doing well: still eating, pooping, drinking as normal. But still, she is dying right before my eyes. I guess we all are slowly dying right before everyone's very eyes, but with Biz and her tumor, it's a visible reminder that she is dying.

It tears me apart sometimes, for I don't want her to suffer, and, selfishly, I wish sometimes I would just come home from work and she would already be dead from a quick heart attack or aneurysm or something. But God's timing is perfect, and He has all this in His Hands: Matthew 10:29, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father." Biz will die when it is time.

And at that time, I pray for mercy, grace and the ability to let go of my beloved Biz.

Monday, July 15, 2002

Just wanted to give an update since it's been a while...

Biz still continues to do well. The tumor on the left side of her face has not really shrunk, as expected with the piroxicam, but it hasn't really grown, either.

She seems to be eating dry food OK and the only trouble she has is with the canned chicken I give her to mix up with her medicine. Her medicine (piroxicam 1.6mg/day - she weighs ~12.5#) is mixed in with a salmon-flavored moist cat treat, and although she might eat the treat outright, I still mix it in with some warmed canned chicken to make it more palatable. The chicken seems to get stuck in her teeth and she takes a long time to wash up after eating - I assume trying to get all the chicken out of her teeth.

I've continued to monitor her stool for signs of intestinal bleeding (a side effect of piroxicam), but so far, so good.

I went to my Mom's for the weekend and my husband took care of Biz. Everything seemed to go OK for both of them!